Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
