ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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