i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
