and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
