Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
