1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
