Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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