This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
