How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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