You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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