we're chasing vodka with high fives
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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