I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
