i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
