She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
