remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
