my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
