When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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