I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
