You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I can't put those talents on a resume
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
