Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
