I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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