Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
