Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
