you guys were way drunker than both of me
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
