my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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