it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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