I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
