i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I looked at my own cervix.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
