How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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