I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
