did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize