vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
3pm strippers are depressing
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
