just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
