In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
