I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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