It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
