Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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