u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
