please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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