False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize