This girl is more easily done than said...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize