and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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