My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
