Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
