I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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