the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
