this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
