My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
