my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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