I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
