Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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