we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
