i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
