i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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