I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
