I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize