So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
