NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
