Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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