there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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