Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
