I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so explain again why im purple
no
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
