Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
