I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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