You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize