she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
