I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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