turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
