i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
