If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
