Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
