Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
