i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize