Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
