talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
