upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
