girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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