the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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