i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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