he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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