I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
