And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
