i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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