yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
