If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
