Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize