His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
