It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
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