You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
