I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
