What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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