my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
