i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize