Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
