You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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