Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
