oh god the rape fog is back!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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