i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
