You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
