so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My penis needs a shock collar
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
