dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
