All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
